The Importance of Intention

As with many things I start to write, I write a title such as “The Importance of Intention,” and my response is “Duh!”  I guess what that means is that I’ve internalized the concept to the point that I can write about it.

The most important aspect of setting the stage for a Circle gathering is for the group to articulate its intention for the gathering.  Ironically, intention is frequently assumed and not clearly stated, leading to what may be mystifying dysfunctions in meetings.  For example, a leader may be mystified and frustrated at participants bringing up topics that are clearly (to him or her) off-topic for the meeting, and the participants may be mystified at why the leader is frustrated, since their understanding of the purpose of the meeting certainly included such topics.  Rarely are dysfunctions such as these addressed directly; usually they contribute incrementally to a lack of trust and openness in the organization, where people assume that others have hidden agendas.   

Articulation of intention may be the responsibility of the group’s leader (the Association President, for example), or it may be arrived at by consensus after some conversation among the group.  But it is vital that the group agree on its intention for a gathering. 

What is Intention?

Intention is more than, broader than, at a higher level than agenda.  Agenda is to intention as goals are to mission.  Goals should be in service of a mission; having goals doesn’t make articulating your mission irrelevant.  In fact, one might ask how you set goals except within the framework of your mission?  Similarly, your agenda should be in service of your intention.  Intention is a statement of our higher purpose in gathering.  Sample intention statements:

Misaligned Intentions

How do those other, unfortunate folks end up in meetings where the intention isn’t clear and shared by all?  (Certainly it wouldn’t happen to us!)  One of the most common causes is the assumption that “everyone understands” our intention in gathering.  After all:

o        it’s a regular meeting; or

o        the invitation to the meeting stated its purpose; or

o        it’s part of a bigger event and serves that event’s purpose.

Another very common cause is the leader’s assumption (there’s that word again) that when s/he states intention, that takes care of it.  Not necessarily so!

Perhaps some examples of groups with poorly aligned intentions would help illustrate:

Resulting Dysfunctions
Can you see how intention might not be quite aligned in these gatherings?  If a group can’t agree on its destination, it is darned difficult to agree on how to get there – on what agenda or group processes are needed.  If a group isn’t in alignment on its intention, its conversations are likely to put people at cross‑purposes with each other.  Not only is this frustrating, but it makes the group feel unsafe and inhospitable, as well as simply wasting everyone’s time.  

In my experience, most dysfunctions in groups can ultimately be traced back to disagreement or lack of clarity about intention.  If one person or faction wants to accomplish one thing, and another has a different focus, it sets the stage for a tug-of-war.  The practice of many groups of recognizing people to speak in the order they held up their hands (while someone else was speaking) exacerbates this scattering of group energies.  The speaker responds to what the person speaking four people before him said, ignoring the last three speakers.  Most groups seem unable to manage a high-energy topic without resorting to such tactics, and the resulting ping-ponging of attention only feeds the practice of the “real” conversation happening at breaks, rather than in the meeting itself.   Decisions made during such discussions rarely feel like consensus.  Such decisions may be the result of people simply getting worn down and giving up, letting the group be held hostage by those exhibiting the least sensitivity to others in the group.

We all tend to take things personally, and to judge others by how their actions and words “make me feel.”  Without an uncommon ability to observe one’s own reactions and share them openly, this can lead to negative assumptions about others’ intentions that lower trust and safety in the group. 

Can skillful facilitation overcome these obstacles, and untangle the knots lack of clarity about intention can create?  Sometimes.  But how much better it is for the group to own responsibility for clarity about intention!

Gaining Agreement on Intention

Gaining agreement on intention may be more complex than it initially appears, as these examples show. 

For example, suppose the group’s leader states “the” intention for a gathering.  Some group members may not understand exactly what is meant; others may have other thoughts about the most important use of the group’s time; others may not even have been listening!  Unless there is some conversation around intention, teasing out meaning, probing for reservations and uncertainties, it’s almost certain that the group will not be in sufficient alignment around intention.  It’s almost certain that unspoken assumptions about intention will emerge as distracting behaviors during the meeting.

Like many aspects of Circle, at first gaining agreement on intention will feel very time-consuming and frustrating to those with Type A, task-oriented personalities.  However, there is good news!  Not only will it quickly make meetings conducted this way much more effective and rewarding to participate in, but a group who regularly ensures agreement on intention will find that the process takes less and less time.

How do you get agreement on intention?  First, it is vital to articulate assumptions – everyone’s assumptions.  It may surprise many a leader to find out that his/her assumptions about intention are not universally shared.  Seeing this reality is a first step towards creating a shared intention.

Getting everyone to articulate his/her assumptions presupposes that the group is used to fierce, authentic conversations – that it is okay to articulate disagreement in the group.  Leaders can help this process along by thanking people for speaking up when they disagree, and by probing for more, rather than by squelching such conversations.

Frequently a group will come up with a mish-mash of intentions, expectations and desires for a gathering, not all of which can be (or necessarily should be) accommodated in the time allowed.  But the effect of listening to everyone, to validating the expression of desires, can set the stage for the group accepting a statement of intention that may not include them all.  It remains amazing to me how hungry most of us are simply to be heard, to be listened to with respect, to be acknowledged. 

Having aired various assumptions about intention, the leader can ask if someone feels ready to articulate a statement of intention on which the group might agree.  In a group using the principles of Circle, a field of creativity may arise in which someone may posit a statement of the group’s intention in a way the leader hadn’t thought of, and which the group now owns and is in alignment with. 

Are there times when a leader can simply state an intention and move on?  Of course!  There are few hard and fast rules when it comes to human gatherings.  The greater the degree of shared urgency, the more effective a leader can be by simply stating intention and moving on.  In most cases, though, the leader will be well-served to at least ask for questions and comments, especially if the group’s practice is to take such questions seriously (not rhetorically).   

Yes, but….

“All this sounds great,” you may be thinking, “but what about people who come into a meeting with their own agenda and won’t let it go for a common intention?  What about people who wouldn’t share their agenda, because their intentions aren’t good?” 

There are some folks like that in the world, I know.  But I suspect there aren’t as many as we tend to believe.  Many times our “reading” of someone’s intentions as inimical to us is because we’re making up stories about why they acted as they did (or said what they said), rather than checking out their assumptions and their experience.  So learning the skills of fierce conversations - see Fierce Conversations - is a great start to understanding the good intentions of folks you might have been leery of. 

Usually if someone comes into a meeting with what you view as “not good intentions,” it’s because they are viewing the situation you’re to discuss as a win-lose situation.  If you can convince them to suspend that assumption (suspending assumptions is a key skill of dialogue, as David Bohm so eloquently explained - see On Dialogue), and explore the topic “as if” a win-win solution were possible, you may discover good intentions after all.

Focus on Intention

Once the group agrees on its intention for its gathering, a useful technique is to call for a few moments of silence for each person to focus on the intention and its meaningfulness to him or her.  If the group has created a center for their Circle, it can be used as a tangible reminder of the group’s intention, and one or more candles burning there will draw the eye and keep intention at the forefront.  If there is a guardian, s/he can use bells or otherwise periodically call for silence to bring the group back to its intention – especially if recent conversation may have wandered elsewhere.

Intention sets a framework that individuals can use to focus their thoughts.  It can be the beacon to call for intentional speaking, for attentive listening, and for conscious monitoring of both self and group.

The Practice of Check-In and Check-Out

I attended a meeting recently where, though our chairs were arranged in a circle, we didn’t start the meeting with a check-in.  My rational mind told me it shouldn’t be important – after all, we all knew each other, and we’d had lunch together before the meeting started.  We didn’t begin the meeting with a clear agreement on intention, either – I guess that contributed to my feeling of discombobulation during the first part of the meeting, too. 

For various reasons, I didn’t interrupt the conversation to suggest either clarifying intention or checking in (mea culpa).  Later, I was debriefing with another participant, and I was plaintive about missing the check-in.  “Why do you think check-in and check-out are so important?” was the response.

The question forced me to articulate something that I’ve accepted at a gut level for several years.  I know, at that deep, seat of the soul place, that check-in and check-out are important practices for groups.  But could I state why?  Could I explain it in such a way that others could also see its value?

What is check-in?

First, what is check-in?  The purpose of check-in is to share anything that you are bringing to a meeting – what’s going on with you.  Feelings, expectations, stresses, joys. 

In an agenda, it would generally fall after opening remarks to clarify Intention, and after an inspirational reading, if there is one.  For a group that hasn’t made check-in a regular part of its practice in the past, the facilitator should state expectations and provide some time guidelines.  For example, “If we each take two minutes, it will take approximately 20 minutes to do our check-in.  I think that’s appropriate given the half-day meeting, so let’s each keep our check-in to two minutes.”  If necessary, the facilitator can use a timer to signal that time’s up. 

Typically, the facilitator will start check-in, modeling both content and time limits for the group.  A talking piece is frequently used as a symbol of who has the group’s attention.  A talking piece can be any object that may be held by the speaker and passed from person to person as they relinquish the floor to the next person.  Examples of objects that may be used:  a koosh ball; a feather; a talking stick; a rock; a paperweight; a book; anything that the group acknowledges symbolizes their intention to devote their attention to the speaker, and to listen deeply.  In check-in, the talking piece is usually passed clockwise in the circle.

The focus of the check-in can be on the individual and what is going on in his/her life:  news, troubles, joys, stresses, worries, etc.  The focus of the check-in can be on the meeting itself:  hopes and expectations and worries for how the meeting will go.  In a group that works together regularly, what a person needs to say in check-in may have to do with situations outside the meeting:  “I’m distracted by the so-and-so situation, and feeling I’m not sure I should be here; I should be focusing on that.”  Even in a small group, one or two people will usually focus more and the personal and one or two will focus more on the meeting.  This is normal, and lets everyone know what’s top of mind for each person. 

What’s the value of check-in?

It is amazing how much more connected a group feels when each person gets a chance to check-in.  For one thing, the process of check-in is slower than typical conversations, and the pace allows each participant to breathe, to focus on being in the present, in the meeting.  It typically brings a sense of serenity to the group.

As a highly task-oriented person (and though I may be extreme, I know I’m not the only one), I initially found check-in to be frustrating.  My mental chatter was going strong:  “What does all of this have to do with the business that brought us together?  Good grief, at this pace we’re going to be 45 minutes into the meeting before we get to any real business!”

I am now a convert.  I’m still naturally a task-oriented person.  And I have discovered that honoring the individuals who show up for a meeting by inviting each person to bring themselves to the meeting verbally through check-in actually facilitates making the decisions and accomplishing the tasks for which the meeting was called. 

For one thing, it gives me time to quiet my mental chatter and focus on the individuals with whom I’m working.  To send out empathy for what they bring, to connect with them across our circle, creating a web of support that will enhance our ability to listen to each other later – and thus boost our creativity.  And this empathy will help soften any rough edges that might have otherwise emerged during our conversation; I’m a lot less likely to snap at someone if I’ve recently heard why s/he might be distracted or down. 

And it is amazing how much better a group gets to know each other when they make a practice of sharing personal stories regularly.  This value of check-in emerges only with its regular practice – it’s a cumulative effect.  But it’s an incredibly powerful result of honoring the individuals by regularly creating time at the beginning of meetings for each to share how they’re reacting to what they perceive as their current reality.

The ultimate result is that the group becomes much, much safer for every participant.  Each person gains confidence, over time, that s/he is cared for and respected, despite his/her faults or foibles.  So one by one, participants model being vulnerable – sharing thoughts, questionings and wonderings before they are “perfect” or defensible. Participants come to believe, because of their experiences in the group, that whatever is shared with good intention will somehow contribute to the field of consciousness that the group has created, will make it richer and ultimately strengthen the group’s decisions.

The value of check-in doesn’t only come from what I learn about others.  It also comes from me articulating, out loud, to those with whom I’m meeting, what’s on my mind and in my heart right now.  It signals to me, as well as to others, that I am showing up as a full, imperfect person, with intention to focus on this meeting to the best of my ability and to share the responsibility of it living up to its potential.  Having made that public commitment, my integrity then demands that I fulfill it – that I not let my thoughts wander elsewhere.

And a group that adopts check-in as a group norm, as a regular practice, signals to itself and to new members of the group that full presence is expected at its meetings.  Nothing less is appropriate or authentic.  And the expectation is made clear in the gentlest, most loving way possible – by inviting the best of everyone to show up.

Challenges of Check-In

One challenge, of course, is simply time.  This is a particular challenge when a group first starts using check-ins.  For many of us, having the talking piece and the undivided attention of the group is an exceptional experience.  Many of us are so hungry to be genuinely listened to that there is a danger of the speaker talking on and on.  As mentioned earlier, the facilitator can use a timer if necessary to signal that the agreed-on time for check-in is up.  If a group makes a regular practice of check-in, this particular challenge usually diminishes significantly.  Participants know they will be listened to – and they’ll get another chance soon. 

Another challenge of check-in, particularly with a group new to the practice, is cross-talk.  By cross-talk, I mean someone interrupting to respond to something the speaker said.  It doesn’t matter if the interruption is supportive (such as a question) or argumentative – cross-talk violates the form of a talking piece circle.  The central characteristic of a talking piece circle is that the speaker has the floor – the group’s undivided attention – until s/he relinquishes the talking piece to the next person.  The only legitimate interruption would be if someone rings a bell to bring the group to silence – either to honor something that’s been said, or to signal that the speaker’s time is up. 

Most groups learn to tolerate a very limited amount of cross-talk (such as a humorous interjection that is supportive of the speaker) that does not require response from the speaker.  The most insidious type of cross-talk may be the supportive question, asking the speaker to elaborate on something.  Astute facilitators will gently but firmly discourage this questioning.  Either the questions can come one-to-one during a break, or if they belong in the group, can come when the appropriate topic is the subject of group conversation.

Another challenge of check-in is when someone uses it to advance a particular issue.  This is much more difficult to identify in practice.  When is someone speaking about their personal feelings and concerns, and when is s/he lobbying the group?  Typically, this sort of challenge will diminish significantly in a group which regularly makes sure that all legitimate subjects are on the agenda, and that every voice gets heard.    

Check-Out

I’ve had a lot to say about check-in; what about check-out?  Check-out is the process in reverse, both literally and figuratively.  That is, the talking piece is generally passed counter-clockwise for check-out.  Each person is asked to let the group know what’s on their mind and in their hearts about the group’s meeting. 

One of the wonderful aspects of this I watched develop on the FPA Board was that check-out was frequently an Appreciation Circle.  People commented on the value of others’ contributions, on their appreciation of the form of Circle for their conversations, and on the creativity that had emerged from the group as it patiently held tough issues in conversation long enough for mutual caring, creativity and consensus to emerge.

Special Circumstances

What about multi-day meetings?  Or if you’re already over time for your meeting?  I still feel check-in and check-out are important for the opening and closing of each day of meeting, even if time is short (or gone).  I recall that the first day of one FPA Board meeting, we ran way long, and skipped check-out in favor of going on to dinner (for which we were already late).  The next morning, in check-in, several of our A-type personalities, from whom I least expected this, commented that they’d missed check-out the evening before and wanted us to make sure to include it in the future. 

If time is short, you can use a “weather report” check-out (idea courtesy of Christina Baldwin and Margaret Wheatley):  each person can respond with a couple of words that describes their internal “weather report.”  For example, “warm and sunny,” “blue skies,” “stormy but clearing,” “overcast,” “fog-bound,” etc.  Even a group of 30 can complete this check-out in a couple of minutes. 

On the second or subsequent morning of a multi-day meeting, one of the important functions of a check-in (of which the facilitator can remind the group) is to ask whether there were any after-hours conversations the night before that ought to be brought back to the entire group.  Did two or three, over a glass of wine, have some insights or second thoughts that the entire group should hear?

If a group sees each other frequently, it may help to have a specific question to spark sharing.  In one staff group that I led, we would take turns coming up with a question that each person would respond to.  The questions varied from such things as “Share a memory of your Mother,” to “What’s your favorite movie of all time?” to “What is your favorite Christmas memory?” to “What do you think we’re most likely to be blind-sided by?” to “What is causing you the most stress right now?”  The answers helped us get to know each other much better, in both the personal and professional senses.  They evoked sharing and observations that would not have come up in the course of our day-to-day conversation.  They helped us trust and love each other, and they helped us make better decisions.

My Check-Out

I’ve always cared deeply about the people with whom I worked, but my intense task-orientation didn’t typically lead to behavior that necessarily conveyed that caring.  In the practice of check-in and check-out, I found a way to institutionalize behavior that supports my aspirations – to let that caring coming through, in service of our humanity and our effectiveness.  I recommend these practices to you, with the hope that they will bring you even a fraction of the joy and connection  they’ve brought me.

Good to Great by Jim Collins:

    Janet McCallen’s Thoughts Relating to Tax-Exempt Organizations

On Designing a Home

Here is a link to an essay I wrote about the process of designing our home.  The link takes you to the home designer's site, so be sure to bookmark this page before you follow it.

http://www.mountainhomeshow.com/houseplans/mypagearticle11.htm

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Last modified: 12/30/05