Janet G. McCallen
- effectiveness through rich conversation

Resources

When I read, I frequently find passages I want to type up, because that helps me to internalize their content. It also is helpful when I want to share them with others. I also hope it will encourage you to consider buying and reading the books from which they come. This page also includes other items I wanted to share.

	The Four-Chambered Heart
	Presence
	It All Comes Back to Me Now
	Weathering
	Wild Geese
	Our Deepest Fear
	Principles of Effective Collaboration
	Many Teachers
	The Answer to How is Yes
	If we listened to our intellect...
	Callings
	The Cafe Model: Engaging Associations in Meaningful Conversations
	Value of Circle - Interview with Nancy Johnson
	The Practice of Check-In and Check-Out
	Circle Bones
	The Eight Ds of Learning Conversations
	Dialogue Vs. Debate
	Marketing Warfare
	Counting My Blessings
	On Designing a Home

The Four-Chambered Heart

From The Four-Fold Way: Walking the Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer and Visionary

…it is important to check the condition of the four-chambered heart daily, asking “Am I full-hearted, open-hearted, clear-hearted, and strong-hearted?”

Where we are not full-hearted, we approach people and situations half-heartedly. The experience of feeling like we should do something when we don’t want to is the breeding ground for half-heartedness. Feeling half-hearted is an announcement of wrong placement, and it is time to remove ourselves from these situations.

Where we are not open-hearted, we become closed-hearted. Being defensive, encountering our own resistance, and protecting ourselves from the possibility of hurt are signals of closed-heartedness. The answer is to soften and reopen the heart.

Where we are not clear-hearted, we are confused and carrying a doubting heart. This is where we need to wait. States of ambivalence and indifference are precursors to confusion and doubt. When we experience any of these states, we are reminded to wait for clarity rather than to take action.

Where we are not strong-hearted is where we lack the courage to be authentic or to say what is true for us. Strong-heartedness is where we have the courage to be all of who we are in our life. The word “courage” is derived from the French word for heart, Coeur, and etymologically it means “the ability to stand by one’s heart or to stand by one’s core.” Whenever we exhibit courage, we demonstrate the healing power of paying attention to what has heart and meaning for us.

The Four-Fold Way (book description and ordering link)

Presence

I typed up most of what I highlighted in Senge's Presence - 11 pages worth. It is included here as PDF document in the hopes that it will intrigue more of you to read the book. Here is one of my favorites from the PDF you can link to:

"I worry much more today about unquestioned answers than about unanswered questions."

Presence (PDF)

Presence (book description and ordering link)

It All Comes Back to Me Now

Victory Lee Schouten

I found this poem in a book on the shelf in my room at Marsh House Retreat Center, on Whidbey Island. I was participating in a Circle Practicum with Christina Baldwin and Ann Linnea - what a privilege! When I read the poem, it spoke to me strongly - and it speaks to me still. Unfortunately, the book is out of print.

Not willing to be vicious,

I lost my voice.

Not wanting to be foolish,

I lost my courage.

Averse to being led,

I lost my way.

Unwilling to be like them,

I forgot my name.

Remembering now

is blessing enough.

Waking up groggy

is still waking up.

Weathering

Fleur Adcock

This is one of the poems David Whyte reads in Clear Mind, Wild Heart. It means a lot to me right now.

My face catches the wind
from the snow line
and flushes with a flush
that will never wholly settle.
Well, that was a metropolitan vanity,
wanting to look young forever, to pass.
I was never a pre-Raphaelite beauty
and only pretty enough to be seen
with a man who wanted to be seen
with a passable woman.

But now that I am in love
with a place that doesn't care
how I look and if I am happy,
happy is how I look and that's all.
My hair will grow grey in any case,
my nails chip and flake,
my waist thicken, and the years
work all their usual changes.

If my face is to be weather beaten as well,
it's little enough lost
for a year among the lakes and vales
where simply to look out my window
at the high pass
makes me indifferent to mirrors
and to what my soul may wear
over its new complexion.

Excerpt from Wild Geese
by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.

I can hear David Whyte (Clear Mind, Wild Heart) reading this. Such a gift! You don't have to do penance - you only have to love what you love, and love it wholeheartedly.

Our Deepest Fear

Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear
Is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are
Powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness,
That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant.
gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you NOT to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people
Won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God
that is within us.
It's not just in some of us:
It's in EVERYONE!
As we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Principles of Effective Collaboration

FPA's staff leadership had a conversation about collaboration which led to me creating these principles in April, 2003.

	Collaboration requires an extraordinary sensitivity to who needs to be or wants to be in the conversation.
	Collaboration needs to start with a shared vision of what we’re trying to accomplish.
	Collaboration requires trust in others’ good intentions and respect for others contributions.
	Collaboration requires being fully present and staying in the conversation.
	It’s important to share your thoughts and feelings – and not be pseudo-polite and passive-aggressive (e.g., “forgetting” what we agreed to).
	Collaboration requires personal responsibility for “making this work” – successfully getting us to our vision, even if not the way I would have originally planned.
	Collaboration requires non-attachment to a particular outcome or process or means to achieving an outcome – otherwise, it’s not collaboration, it’s an attempt to control or get your way.
	Collaboration isn’t something you “do” – it’s a mindset and an approach that acknowledges the impact of my thoughts, decisions and actions on others – our interdependence.
	Collaboration requires flexibility and ability to live in the chaos.
	Collaboration isn’t control and it isn’t acquiescence.
	Collaboration doesn’t mean avoiding conflict; healthy conflict is necessary to authentic collaboration.
	Healthy conflict is about ideas; don’t make things personal and don’t take things personally. If people do get cross-wise with each other, it is their responsibility to address their feelings and perceptions with the other individual directly, and not through third-party venting.
	Collaboration means assuming responsibility for the entire organization’s strategic direction and success – not just within one’s area.
	Collaboration doesn’t necessarily mean more meetings/calls – it’s what happens in a meeting that determines whether it was collaborative.
	Collaboration requires judgment and intuition regarding when to stay in conversation and when to act.

Many Teachers

Are there many paths
or one path?
Is there one answer
to be found and accepted
or faith to be forged
one surrender at a time?

Is it self-centeredness
to seek what energizes me?
Or is it opening to God’s will
for my life?

Is the answer to be found
or is the magic in the asking?

The magic is in the asking
I believe.
The seeking, the listening, the learning
to slow down and see what emerges.

There are many miracles
if I but have the eyes to see.
There are many ways to learn
if I am open to them.

There are many teachers
in a walk around the lake.

I wrote this on July 23, 2004.

The Answer to How is Yes

I typed up 16 pages of quotes from this Peter Block book, and then organized them by topic. A link to the PDF is below, along with a link to the book review. Here is one quote that illustrates why I love this book:

"To sustain the habitability of a social system we must initiate new conversations and manage the airspace so that all voices stay engaged with each other. This may seem inefficient, but acting on values that matter takes time. We change the world when we create the time and space for heartfelt, unique conversations that discuss values and affirm doubts, feelings and intuition."

The Answer to How is Yes (PDF)

The Answer to How is Yes (book description & ordering link)

If we listened to our intellect...

"If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down."

Ray Bradbury
American science fiction writer

Callings

Callings is a beautiful book by Gregg Levoy. It's about how to listen to your inner self, to find you calling in life. It was reading Callings that I realized that my two twisted ankles and then broken foot were my body's way of telling me to slow down. (Of course, it took me a while to integrate and implement that information!)

And just now, looking at some of the excerpts I'd typed up, I saw this beautiful quote:

“All forms of art are glass-bottom boats over the unconscious.”

Here is a link to the excerpts I typed up: Callings Excerpts

Here is a link to the book description and ordering information: Callings

The Cafe Model: Engaging Associations in Meaningful Conversations

Kim Porto and I wrote an article on how the Financial Planning Association used the cafe model to engage FPA members in meaningful conversations. Kim did a championship job turning our story into a coherent format, with little help from me.

Here is a link to the article in PDF: Engaging Associations in Meaningful Conversations

Here is a link to the Journal of Association Leadership, in which the article was originally published in summer 2004: www.centeronline.org/knowledge/aboutJAL

Value of Circle - interview with Nancy Johnson

The link above will take you to my interview with Nancy Johnson about how her perceptions of Circle changed as the FPA Board learned to use it (link in title above).

The Practice of Check-In

Why do I feel check-in is so important to healthy, effective, deep, rich conversations? I try to explain in this short essay (link in title above).

Circle Bones

A one page summary of the "bones" of Circle - the principles, practices, agreements, etc. Cryptic, but a good reminder (link in the title above).

Eight D's of Learning Conversations

When Margaret Wheatley and Christina Baldwin co-facilitated an FPA Board Retreat (what a treat!), Meg came out with an impromptu "Five D's" of group process. With due respect to Meg, I've expanded her original list to the "Eight D's of Learning Conversations." One way we get crosswise with each other is we're working on different "D's." For example, if I'm trying to Describe an agreement, and you're still exploring options... well, it doesn't work very well! Reminds me of lots of meetings I've been in. I hope you find the Eight D's helpful (link in the title above).

Dialogue vs. Debate

Dialogue is collaborative. Multiple sides work towards shared understanding.	Debate is oppositional. Two opposing sides try to prove each other wrong.
In dialogue, one listens to understand, to make meaning, and to find common ground.	In debate, one listens to find flaws, to spot differences, and to counter arguments.
Dialogue enlarges and possibly changes a participant's view.	Debate affirms a participant's point of view.
Dialogue reveals assumptions for reevaluation.	Debate defends assumptions as truth.
Dialogue creates an open-minded attitude, an openness to being wrong and an openness to change.	Debate creates a close-minded attitude, a determination to be right.
In dialogue, one submits one's best thinking, expecting that the reflections of others will help improve it rather than threaten it.	In debate, one submits one's best thinking and defends it against a challenge to show that it is right.
In dialogue, one searches for the strengths in all positions.	In debate, one searches for the weaknesses in the other positions.
Dialogue respects all the other participants and seeks not to alienate or offend.	Debate rebuts contrary positions and may belittle or deprecate other participants.
Dialogue assumes that many people have pieces of answers and that cooperation can lead to workable solutions.	Debate assumes a single right answer that someone already has.
Dialogue remains open-ended.	Debate demands a conclusion.

Marketing Warfare

Preparing for some work with a client, I was motivated to dig out some of Jack Trout and Al Ries’s books – especially Marketing Warfare. Now I’m sure some of you will wrinkle your nose at the “war” analogy that Trout and Ries use. It’s not my favorite analogy, but the wisdom they pack in this small, easy to read book is too critical to let political correctness keep you from it. Here is a grid that summarizes their main points:
Marketing Warfare summary grid

The book itself is invaluable, with endless examples. I highly recommend it, and here is a link to the review in Inspirations: Marketing Warfare.

Counting My Blessings

I live in a place where you can see the mountains
most any way you look.
It’s a blessing I reflect on daily.
Sure, the bird song is underwritten with highway sounds.
And when the rooster crows at 3am
I’d gladly shoot a BB at him.
But when the sun’s last fire is reflecting off the lake
and the geraniums almost match it in intensity,
I’m really grateful for where I am.

The dogs think we should go swimming more often.
I’m happy when shoes are extraneous.
When my skin glows with the sun.

The days out on the lake are the best.
The pontoon boat glides through the water.
It’s never so warm that the wind off the lake won’t cool you down.
At least, not if you get in the lake first.

The mountains watch, clad in their summer green.
When I wake and see the trees emerging from the dawn,
the lake behind them glinting,
It’s a blessing, and I know it.
Written May 10, 2005

On Designing a Home

Here is a link to an essay I wrote about the process of designing our home. The link takes you to the home designer's site, so be sure to bookmark this page before you follow it.

http://www.mountainhomeshow.com/houseplans/mypagearticle11.htm