These are
books and audio recordings I have found inspirational and helpful in the past
several years. There are Amazon.com links for those items available
through Amazon.com. Please let me know of your favorites and new
discoveries that are not listed.
Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at
Work & in Life, One Conversation at a Time
by
Susan Scott
Editorial Reviews
Amazon.com
Susan Scott believes that interpersonal difficulties--at work and at
home--are a direct result of our inability to communicate well. Fierce
Conversations is based on principles from her international consulting practice,
in which she teaches executives how to conduct such exchanges more dynamically
and ultimately more effectively, thereby improving the relationships they enjoy
with their various dialogue partners "one conversation at a time." Using
identifiable anecdotes from her experience to inspire and inform, along with a
series of practical exercises designed to impart the requisite skills, Scott
walks readers through the individual steps she's developed to build better
associations through more robust and honest discourses. Addressing all aspects
of the process, from several methods for listening more attentively to specific
ways she's fashioned to confront and resolve issues "that stand between you and
success," Scott offers the type of concrete advice and confidence-building
counsel that should help even the most reticent improve their communication
skills dramatically.
--Howard Rothman
Janet
McCallen
One of the best books I've read in the past several years
(thanks to Cynthia Mills for recommending it to me!). Scott reminds us
that "fierce" doesn't mean menacing, cruel, or threatening, but robust, intense,
strong, powerful, passionate, eager, unbridled, uncurbed, untamed. A
"fierce conversation" is one in which we come out from behind ourselves into the
conversation and make it real.
She won my heart right at first by quoting poet David
Whyte: "The conversation isn't about the relationship; the
conversation is the relationship." And I was intrigued by the fact
that almost every passage I was highlighting was already called out and
"highlighted" by the book design.
Here are the seven principles of fierce conversations,
which Scott describes and brings to life in her book:
Principle 1: Master the courage to interrogate
reality.
No plan survives its collision with reality, and reality
has a habit of shirting, at work and at home. Markets and economies
change, requiring shifts in strategy. People change and forget to tell
each other - colleagues, customers, spouses, friends. We are all changing
all the time. Not only do we neglect to share this with others, we are
skilled at masking it even to ourselves.
Principle 2: Come out from behind yourself into
the conversation and make it real.
While many fear "real," it is the unreal conversation that
should scare us to death. Unreal conversations are expensive, for the
individual and organization. No one has to change, but everyone has to
have the conversation. When the conversation is real, the change occurs
before the conversation is over. You will accomplish your goals in large
part by making every conversation you have as real as possible.
Principle 3: Be here, prepared to be nowhere else.
Our work, our relationships, and our lives succeed or fail
one conversation at a time. While no single conversation is guaranteed to
transform a company, a relationship, or a life, any single conversation
can. Speak and listen as if this is the most important conversation you
will ever have with this person. It could be. Participate as if it
matters. It does.
Principle 4: Tackle your toughest challenge today.
Burnout doesn't occur because we're solving problems; it
occurs because we've been trying to solve the same problem over and over.
The problem named is the problem solved. Identify and then confront the
real obstacles in your path. Stay current with the people important to
your success and happiness. Travel light, agenda-free.
Principle 5: Obey your instincts.
Don't just trust your instincts - obey them. Your
radar screen works perfectly. It's the operator who is in question.
An intelligence agent is sending you messages every day, all day. Tune in.
Pay attention. Share these thoughts with others. What we label as
illusion is the scent of something real coming close.
Principle 6: Take responsibility for your
emotional wake.
For a leader, there is no trivial comment. Something
you don't remember saying may have had a devastating impact on someone who
looked to you for guidance and approval. The conversation is not about the
relationship; the conversation is the relationship. Learning to deliver
the message without the load allows you to speak with clarity, conviction, and
compassion.
Principle 7: Let silence do the heavy lifting.
When there is simple a whole lot of talking going on,
conversations can be so empty of meaning they crackle. Memorable
conversations include breathing space. Slow down the conversation, so that
insight can occur in the space between words and you can discover what the
conversation really wants and needs to be about.
I couldn't recommend this book more highly. It's not
just about conversations at work; it's about conversations with loved ones, too.
Unless you're a hermit, this book will help you slow down connect more
authentically with those who are important to you.
